Peaks and Valleys
by garretelliot
Summary: Third in the Southern Exposure series. When you've found the one for you what more can you want. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Title- Peaks and Valleys

Author- **jtbwriter** and** garretelliot **

Disclaimer- We still don't own them, but we refuse to stop playing with other people's toys.

Author's Note- We just couldn't stay away from **garretelliot's **characters, so here's another Sarah and Garret fic.

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Sarah noticed that Jordan had been smiling all day, which was just a little scary. Whenever anyone asked what had her so happy she would simply say 'you'll find out tonight'. Garret told Sarah at lunch that he was convinced the brunette was planning some sort of mayhem to complicate his life but then, Garret was always a little paranoid when it came to Jordan. 

That evening Sarah and the rest of the morgue family, along with Max, gathered at Woody and Jordan's new house for dinner. After the table was set and everyone settled into their seats, Wren, being the most impatient, spoke up.

"Okay Madam Mysterious, what gives?"

Woody and Jordan grinned at each other. "You tell them." Jordan said.

"No, you tell them." Woody responded, his grin growing bigger by the second.

"Somebody better spill it quick," Lily interjected, "Wren looks ready to commit murder and I'm not far behind."

"Oh all right," Jordan said. "Woody and I have some really big news." She took Woody's hand and smiled at their assembled friends. "We're pregnant."

Wren and Lily dove for Jordan to hug her as Max, who had been told earlier, was beaming at the room in general as Garret, shook first his hand, then Woody's and kissed Jordan on the forehead. Nigel and Bug waited impatiently for their turn at Jordan as Woody was grouped hugged by Lily and Wren. No one noticed that Sarah had quietly slipped from the table and stepped onto the back deck.

Wren turned to say something to her best friend and realized she had disappeared. Quickly realizing just what the news would have meant to Sarah, Wren went in search of her. Finally locating her, sitting on the steps, Wren sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Sass, honey?" She said softly.

"Wren, I feel like a complete jerk, I couldn't hug her. All I could think was that I wished I it were me." Sarah sniffed back a tear. "I want a baby so much."

"It could happen, honey." Wren felt as though her heart would break for Sarah. "Just because you've miscarried before doesn't mean you can't have a child. Besides I'm not entirely convinced that those miscarriages weren't a direct result of the stress of living with Harrison. Never knowing if he was going to beat you or not for some imagined infraction of his rules."

"Three miscarriages in three years does not bode well for a successful pregnancy, Wren. Besides, I'm not even sure that Garret wants children."

"You've haven't told him, have you?" Wren was astonished. Garret and Sarah had been close since just after Sarah arrived in Boston. He had supported her through the last few weeks of her divorce as a friend and quickly became more after the final decree was signed.

Then Harrison had attack Sarah and nearly killed her, causing not only physical damage, but soul deep wounds that had taken months to heal. Through it all Garret had been right beside her, refusing to give up even when Sarah herself was convinced she'd never recover. He'd followed her to Memphis and brought her back, when she'd run away because she was certain that he would come to resent her weakness. After countless sessions with her therapist, Sarah had finally accepted the proposal Garret had made in the Memphis airport.

The two had quietly slipped away for a weekend in Vermont, two weeks after Jordan and Woody had finally said 'I do'. Nigel, Wren and Abby had been invited along and sworn to secrecy. With Abby and Wren as co-Maids of Honor and Nigel as best man, the two had been married in a small church in upstate Vermont, one brisk early October afternoon.

Wren had thought Jordan and Woody's wedding was beautiful. The flower bedecked church and phalanx of well wishing police officers in dress blues, had been impressive. But the sight of her best friend standing at the altar of that run down, old church in Vermont in a pair of blue jeans and a sweater, holding a bunch of late season wild flowers that Abby had picked for her and beaming up at Garret, had surpassed even a royal wedding.

Wren, Abby and Nigel had quietly slipped away from the table at the little supper club where they'd gone celebrate, while the two were dancing and left word with the waitress that they would head back to Boston in the car Nigel had rented that afternoon, leaving the newlyweds to share at least a one night honeymoon before returning to the city.

Since then, Sarah and Garret were rarely apart and Wren would have sworn they had no secrets. Now she realized that Sarah hadn't told Garret anything about her numerous pregnancies during her first marriage or her desire for a baby. Sarah's so far futile quest for motherhood had wounded her in a way Harrison had never achieved, for all the systematic abuse he had subjected her to.

"Honey, you gotta tell him, you can't just let this eat away at you." Wren advised. "He's your husband, he should know."

"Wren, Garret already has a grown daughter, I doubt he wants another child and I doubt I could even have one. There's just no point in depressing him, I'm depressed enough for both of us." Sarah wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"Besides, it's a moot point. I'm not pregnant and never likely to be again. Dr. Hanley said after my last miscarriage, that the chance of my becoming pregnant was very low. If I did become pregnant, the chances of my carrying to term are even lower and he doubted I would survive another miscarriage."

"Old Doc Hanley should have been run out of practice years ago. The old coot barely has opposable thumbs." Wren snorted. "Isn't he the same idiot that told you ,since you were getting married, there was no need to finish your medical degree?"

"Jefferson Hanley may be a complete Victorian relic, but he's a good GYN. He knows his stuff, Wren." Sarah stared out into the darkness and sighed. "It's not going to happen, but that doesn't stop me from wanting."

The back door opened and Garret stepped out. "I wondered where you two were." He pulled Sarah into his arms as she stood and turned toward him.

"I just needed a little air and Wren came looking for me." She smiled up at him and tightened her arms around him. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Well I think you missed the hourly update on that." Garret smiled, then leaned down to kiss her.

"I'm may gag at the sweetness level out here." Wren teased. "You two could send a diabetic into a coma."

"Just balancing out your sour disposition, Toots." Sarah shot back. "And you're one to talk, you and Nigel are a candy shop all on your own." She looked up at Garret. "Can you give us a minute, hon?"

"Don't take too long. Jordan was asking where you were." He kissed her once more and headed back inside.

"Not a word please, Wren. To anyone." Sarah pleaded.

"Sass, I'm not gonna tell your story, but the man deserves to know." Wren stated baldly.

"I'll tell him, in my own time." She answered. "I promise."

"Well, let's go inside. Think you can talk to Jordan now?" Wren asked.

"Yes, I've got the baby yen under control again." Sarah joked lamely.

"Sass, I'd give anything to fix this for you." Wren hugged her friend.

"I know, sweetie. I just have to deal with it." Sarah squeezed back and the two women rejoined their friends.

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A/N- Use the little button and tell us what you think. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- jtbwriter says that she is taking custody of the in the name of shippers everywhere. But we still don't own them

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Sarah sat looking at the little indicator stick in her hand, the plus sign that raised her hopes also filled her with dread. She almost wished she weren't pregnant. Telling Garret was going to be very difficult. He had already raised a daughter and Sarah didn't know how he would take the news of impending fatherhood. She wasn't sure how to tell him that this wasn't likely to be an easy pregnancy and that her health and life were both at risk.

Balancing that was her elation that she had beaten the odds and was having a baby. Surely luck was on her side and she could finally hold her own child in her arms. Garret's child; she could almost see a beautiful brown eyed little boy held by the man she loved. _Just this one thing, God, please, just let me have this one dream to hold and know. _Sarah prayed silently._ You've given me so much joy in the past few months, I don't want to seem selfish, but Lord, you know how much this means to me._

Sarah threw the test in the trash and left the bathroom, walking toward the conference room for the staff meeting. She'd have to call her OB/GYN for an appointment and have Garret change the rotation. She certainly couldn't be exposed to x-rayor some of the chemicals they used in their work. Telling Garret about the need to take her off rotation would mean telling him about the pregnancy before it was confirmed, but she wasn't risking anything when it came to this baby. Sarah was going to take every precaution.

After morning staff meeting, Sarah walked into Garret's office. "Garret, I need to talk to you."

Garret looked up and smiled. "What is it?"

"I need to limit myself to trace and desk duty." Sarah began.

"Are you all right?" Garret's eyes clouded with worry.

"Well, I'm fine, but... Garret I don't know how you're going to take this news." Sarah bit her lip. "I'm pregnant."

Garret sat for a moment then rose and took her in his arms. "I'm not sure myself, I.. I'm surprised." He faltered. "I love you. I just never considered this possibility."

"Neither did I. There's one other thing..." Sarah was interrupted by a teasing voice from the doorway.

"All right you two, no making out on company time." Jordan laughed. "Garret, I need to be out of here by three, Woody and I are going to hear little Butt's heartbeat today."

"No problem, Jo, just get me those reports." Garret needled.

"You know kid, Mom hates writing reports and thanks to you that's about all I get to do." Jordan said to the tiny belly she was developing.

"It looks like you may have company in that." Garret said, glancing at Sarah.

"You two?" Jordan asked a grin spreading across her face.

Sarah nodded, blushing slightly. "It's not confirmed yet. I need to see my doctor."

"Wow, two preggos. You know Garret, this place is gonna be hormone central soon." Jordan laughed.

"I think I can handle it." He said. "Bug." Garret called as the shorter man walked past the office.

"Yes Dr. Macy?" Bug stepped inside.

"I need to change assignments today. You're in the field and Sarah's on Trace."

"Yes, Sir." He answered, raising an eyebrow at Sarah. Everyone in the morgue knew how much she loved fieldwork.

"I'm fine, Bug." Sarah answered the implied question. "Just have to go to the doctor later."

After Bug and Jordan left the office, Sarah searched for the words to explain everything to Garret. As she tried to frame her thoughts the phone rang, Emmy walked in and Rene followed.

"Dr. Macy you're needed in the crypt, the system's not cooling enough." Emmy said.

"Hi Sarah. Garret, we need to be downtown in 20 minutes." Rene told him impatiently.

"I'll handle the crypt, Garret. You head on with Rene, I'll see you later." Sarah told him and left with Emmy in tow.

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A/N- You know what to do now. Express yourselves ! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- Not our property, but then you already knew that.

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Sarah called Wren early the next morning. 

"Yeah?" Wren answered groggily.

"Wake up, sunshine, I have news." Sarah sang out.

"Ugh, you do realize it only 7am, right?" Wren groused.

"Well this can't wait, meet me for coffee at Starbucks in an hour." Sarah said. "Trust me, it's worth it."

"Okay, but only 'cause I'm gonna make you buy." Wren said.

"No problem, just hurry!" Sarah hung up.

Forty-five minutes later, Wren joined Sarah at Starbucks, grousing about traffic and the hour.

"Oh hushup and listen, I went the doctor yesterday." Sarah's smile widened into a full out grin. "I'm pregnant."

"Sass... oh my Lord." Wren's squeal turned heads throughout the room. "How far along? What did Garret say? I guess you're on the bench for the rest of the season, huh? Or is Garret gonna let you try to work a little longer?" At the last question Sarah's smile faltered.

"Benched, huh?" Sarah shook her head.

"Wren, I .. uh, I haven't told Garret about the miscarriages yet." At the look on Wren's face Sarah continued. "I started to when I told him I might be pregnant, but we were interrupted and last night he was so happy, I didn't want to bring him down."

"Sarah Anne Hamilton, you are trying my patience with this. You need to tell him now!" Wren leaned forward.

"I know and I will, I just... I don't know how."

"Well figure it out, Sarah, if you don't tell him I will. The very idea! You can't withhold this, Sarah. If you wait too long, he'll be furious."

"Wren, what if he tries to talk me into an abortion. I just couldn't do it."

"I don't think he will if he knows how much this baby means to you, but Sarah, he has every right to know the risks you're taking. He's your husband."

"Just give me some time, okay?" Sarah asked. "I just need to work it out in my head."

"How far along are you?" Wren's question this time was not filled with excitement.

"Four weeks."

"And you miscarried when the other times?"

"All between 10 and 14 weeks." Sarah answered.

"I'll give you four weeks and then I'll do it for you." Sarah knew Wren would follow through on her promise.

"I'll do it." Sarah said resignedly.

**A Month Later**

Four weeks passed with no indication that Sarah had followed through, Wren, knowing Sarah was going to be off work, went to the morgue to talk to Garret. As she walked down the hall to Garret's office, Wren crossed her fingers and hoped she was doing the right thing. Telling Garret the whole story was bound to make Sarah angry, but she had warned her. The only question was how angry she was likely to be.

Wren had held her tongue until she was positive that Sarah was actually not going to tell Garret anything about the hazards that she faced by continuing the pregnancy. She wanted to be certain before she betrayed Sarah's confidence.

When Nigel had told her that Sarah was still on the rotation for trace, she had known that Garret was still in the dark. If he had been told about the possible complications, Sarah would have been lucky to be riding a desk for the next several months instead of sitting at home with her feet up.

Just as she had got up the nerve to go knock on Garret's door, a familiar pair of lips kissed her neck. "What is my favorite bird up to this morning?" Nigel whispered.

Gratefully, Wren turned and wrapped her arms around him. "Darlin', I'm glad to see you."

Nigel couldn't help but notice the worried look in her eyes. "What is it, luv? Is it Sarah?"

Reluctantly she nodded. "Nigel, she didn't tell Garret about…oh, it's awful…I have to tell him, but she'll be so angry." Wren bit her lip.

"Wren, if it's something that will hurt Sarah, then it's important that he knows." Nigel spoke carefully, knowing how much Wren's word meant to her.

Wren managed a smile, then reached up and kissed her fiance. "Darlin', I knew you'd understand. Thank you for being there for me."

Nigel flushed under her gaze. "Always, Wren. Meet me for lunch after I go to the computer store?"

"One o'clock in the lobby, I'll be the one with the smile." She purred, dropping another kiss on his lips. As he watched her go down the hall, Nigel grinned.

"Mate, you're a lucky man." He thought.

When she reached Garret's office, Wren knocked on his door and went in.

"Wren, what brings you in, I thought you and Nigel were working on wedding stuff today?"

"We're going after lunch, but he wants to check out that new computer store around the corner first. We may not see him for weeks." Wren tried to keep her voice light, but Garret was very good at reading people.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I need to talk to you about Sarah." She sat on the sofa.

"What?" Garret sat beside her.

"Sarah hasn't told you what her OB/GYN in Memphis told her, has she?" Wren began.

"She said he had told her that there was only a small chance she could get pregnant, why?"

"That's not the whole story, Garret." Wren took a deep breath and prayed Sarah would forgive her. "Sarah had three miscarriages while she was married to Harrison. Dr. Hanley told her that if she became pregnant again she would most likely miscarry and probably wouldn't survive."

Garret sat stunned for almost a minute. Wren felt like a first rate bitch for dumping this on him all at one time, but Sarah had no right to keep it secret.

"She never told me." He said almost to himself. "Why would she hide this from me?"

"The one thing Sarah has always wanted was a child, Garret. Each time she lost a baby it killed her soul a little." Wren tried to explain. "I think that may have been part of why she stayed with Harrison for so long. On some level she felt she deserved to be punished for what she saw as failing as a woman."

"Thanks, Wren. I need to be alone to think for a while." Garret opened the door for Wren to leave and sat at his desk for an hour staring into space and trying to reconcile what he'd just learned with the woman he thought he knew.

He reached and picked up the phone. "Jordan, I'm going out for the rest of the day. You're in charge." He hung up and grabbed his coat, taking the fire stairs to avoid dealing with the questions he knew Jordan would want to ask.

**The Pogue **

Two hours after he'd arrived at the Pogue and ordered a drink, Garret sat at the bar, still unable to believe that Sarah had actually kept this from him and that she was willing to risk her life in this way without any input from him. Never before in his life could Garret remember feeling this much anger at someone he loved. If Sarah had been standing in front of him, he'd have been tempted to wring her neck.

He sat on a stool at the end of the bar waiting for Max to refill his glass yet again.

"I'm not giving you another until you hand over your keys. Garret." Max said holding the bottle in one hand with the other one out to take his friend's keys.

Garret passed them over and motioned for the stocky ex-cop to refill the glass. He took it and ambled back to a booth near the fire exit. Slouching over the glass in front of him, he stared into space and tried to fathom why Sarah would withhold something this important. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Max would come and sit down across from him and ask what was up and he wasn't sure how to answer the question.

What was up? Sarah had become his world and now he wasn't sure where they actually stood. If she could keep this from him what else hadn't she told him. He needed to have it out with her, but had postponed going home because he was unsure of his ability to control his temper when he finally confronted her about it. The last thing he wanted was to have a knock down, drag out, war of words with his pregnant wife.

"What's got you hiding in my bar tonight, instead of going home to your wife?" Max asked genially as he slid into the seat across from Garret.

"Sarah." Garret answered tersely.

"Trouble in paradise?" Max asked, his voice laced with concern for his friend. "I thought things were perfect. Last week you two were walking on air over the baby."

"That was before I found out that Sarah's had three miscarriages and had been warned not get pregnant again." Garret knocked back the double scotch in his glass and Max refilled it and took a pull off his beer.

"And you're worried about her and angry at the same time and don't know which to react to first." One of the reasons Garret had come here was Max's ability to cut straight through to the heart of the matter and advise without judging.

"Pretty much covers it." Garret slurred his words slightly, beginning to feel the effects of the scotch.

"So are you happy about the baby?" Max asked.

"I didn't think I wanted to go through the parenthood thing again, but the more I thought about it, the happier I was. Now though?" He took another sip. "Max, I don't want to lose her. I can't lose her."

"You think Sarah's taking a foolish risk and you're scared." Max was not asking a question, he was stating a fact.

"Yeah, more scared than mad, or mad that I'm scared when I should be happy."

Garret tried to make sense of what he was saying. "I want her to have anything she wants, but if it's a choice between having her have what she wants and not surviving or having her not have what she wants and having her mad at me, I'd rather have her mad at me."

Max took a minute to process the slightly inebriated rambling statement. "I see. Have you talked to Sarah yet?"

"I was afraid to go straight home. I don't want to end up in WW 3 over this and I wasn't sure I could stay calm and rational."

"Well I don't think you're going there tonight. There's a cot in the office, you go stretch out and I'll call Sarah and tell her where you are."

"Thanks Max." Garret mumbled and rose to make his way to the office as Max planned what he was going to say to Sarah, that wouldn't have her grabbing the first cab down to check on Garret.

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A/N- Attention all lurkers! Welcome, we love you, won't you come out and play? It's this neat little game called review the fic. All you have to do is press below and tell us what you think.  



	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- Do you really need us to tell you they're not ours?

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Sarah hung up the phone and sat on the bed. It was all hitting the fan now, Wren had called an hour ago and told her that she'd talked to Garret and now Max had called to tell her that Garret was sleeping off a bender in the Pogue's office. He must be very angry or very hurt, probably both; Garret didn't get drunk enough not to make it home. 

She'd really messed things up, but she'd known once she discovered she was pregnant that Garret would try to talk her into an abortion if he'd known her medical history. She had tried several times to tell him everything, but never seemed to be able to find the words.

As a doctor, Sarah knew the risk she was taking and would never have planned a pregnancy. Fate intervened however and given her one more chance to become a mother. She couldn't turn her back on that chance no matter the consequences.

Sarah hoped that after Garret had calmed down and digested the information they could discuss things rationally, but she'd have to wait until tomorrow to have that discussion. She certainly wasn't going down to the Pogue and confront Garret in his current state.

NEXT MORNING

Sarah waited until the last possible moment to leave for work, hoping Garret would show up so that they could talk. Finally she left him a note in case he came by the apartment and took the T to the morgue.

When she walked into the conference room, Garret had looked up at her and then began the morning briefing without even a nod in her direction. The tension in the room became more unbearable by the moment and everyone seemed to know that something was wrong between their boss and his wife. Even as wrapped up in her own thoughts as she was, Sarah hadn't failed to notice the looks being traded around the room.

"Sarah, you and I need to talk." Garret's voice came from beside her.

Sarah jumped and looked around the empty room. She'd been planning how to broach the subject with Garret and missed the end of the staff meeting and everyone leaving the room.

"I know." Sarah tried to keep her voice even. "Garret, let me explain."

"This I have to hear." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Explain how it is that I didn't know my wife was gambling with her life."

"Garret, I ..I ," Sarah felt the tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

"Go on, Sarah tell me that you know what you're doing. That you have a rational explanation for behaving like a selfish child." Garret felt an almost overwhelming desire to shake her.

"You have no right to speak to me like that, Garret Macy. I'm your wife, not your daughter." Sarah spat out, anger pushing every thought of a calm, sane discussion out of her mind.

"No you're not my daughter. Abby had better sense than this at the age of two." Garret bit off each word.

"You have no idea how I feel Garret or what I was thinking."

He interrupted. "Oh, so you were thinking, I'm amazed, because from where I stand it doesn't look like there was much thought to it, only a childish desire to get what you want. Even at the cost of your life!"

"How dare you! _'From where I stand' _indeed." Sarah's eyes were wild and her voice sharp. "It must get awfully lonely up there in the rarified air of perfection that surrounds you, Dr. Macy. It's a pity we poor mortals disappoint you by failing to live up to your standards."

"I am not trying to be perfect, Sarah. I'm trying to understand why an intelligent woman would make this kind of decision without discussing it with her husband first." Garret clenched his fists. In a furious, low tone he continued. "You lied to me and I don't appreciate lying."

"I never lied to you Garret, I've never told you one single untruth and you know it." As Sarah gathered her things and walked to the door, Garret's next words stopped her cold.

"You're splitting hairs here, that's a stupid way to run a relationship and _you_ _know it_." He shot back.

"I think we should talk about this later. You are being totally unreasonable and I could quite cheerfully hate you at the moment." She responded.

"And I could cheerfully slap you for rank stupidity." He spat out.

Sarah dropped her things and rounded on him with an almost feral look in her eyes. "You sanctimonious bastard." Her hand flew across the distance between them and the crack of flesh striking flesh resounded down the hall.

Sarah ran from the room and out the fire door as Garret stood fingering the growing mark left by her palm on his cheek.

Lily ran after Sarah, having witnessed the exchange from her vantage point in the hall, leaving Jordan to deal with Garret. Pausing to listen in the stairwell, Lily heard the roof access door shut. She climbed the six flights up and stepped out into the cold January sunshine. Sarah stood at the parapet, facing out toward the skyline.

"I knew you'd be right on my heels." Sarah said without turning around. "Come to tell me what a good man the big jerk is and how we should work this out?" To anyone but Lily the edge to Sarah's voice would have sounded like anger, but the grief counselor could hear the pain and fear.

"What it _this_, anyway? What was that all about, Sarah?" Lily asked moving to stand beside her friend.

"I've been a fool, Lily. I didn't tell Garret the entire truth about this baby." Sarah drew in a ragged breath and steeled herself to admit the depth of her idiocy. "I've lost three babies before and my OB/GYN in Memphis warned me that another miscarriage could kill me."

"Why risk it then?"

"The one thing I've ever wanted was a baby. I need to have this baby, Lily. Don't ask me why, I don't think I can explain it to myself." Sarah turned and sat on the parapet. "Garret's right, I was being selfish and childish, but...Oh Lily, what have I done? He was so angry, I've never seen him like that. For a split second I thought he might actually hit me and I drove him to it."

Lily shook her head. "Garret would never hit you, or any woman, no matter how angry he might be."

"I know that, the sensible part of me knows that, but I pushed him until he lost control of his temper. It's all my fault and now I'm afraid he hates me."

"Garret could never hate you, Sarah. Be livid yes, hate you, no." Lily slipped a comforting arm around her friend. "The man loves you more than his life. He could no more hate you than he could stop breathing. And it wasn't entirely your fault. I heard most of it, I'd say the blame is 50/50. You both were talking at each other instead of to each other."

"I slapped him, Lily. I've never raised a hand to another human being except the time I punched Harrison and I slapped Garret like some low class shrew."

"He scared you, you weren't reacting to him, you were reacting to fear."

'For a moment when I thought he'd follow through, all I could think was 'Not again, I won't be someone's punching bag again." Sarah began to cry. "I've destroyed everything."

Lily held the trembling woman while she sobbed disconsolately.

After a time Sarah began to calm down and wiped her eyes. "I can't go in there and face him, right now." She said.

"I'll get your things and you can go to my place for a while if you'd like." Lily offered. "We can talk more when I get home later, okay?"

"All right." Sarah agreed. "I'm freezing up here and I don't feel very well."

"Are you okay?" Lily was suddenly concerned.

"Just a headache from all this." Sarah gestured to indicate the current shambles of her life as the two women walked back to the door.

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- Still not ours, but jtbwriter says, if Tim won't gives us what we want we'll just have to do it ourselves.

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Garret sat in the dark apartment, terrified. Not so much of what he and Sarah had done to each other today, but of all the "what if?" scenarios running through his mind.

"_I'm sorry, Dr. Macy, but the driver didn't see your wife……"_

"_Face it, Garret, what were you thinking of, letting her run off by herself when she was that upset."_

He saw their faces, the policeman at the door, the accusing eyes of Wren and Jordan and Nigel. Max's beet red face, staring at him…..

A tentative knock at the door startled him out of the tortuous cycle of waking nightmare. He came off the sofa like a shot and reached for the doorknob without looking through the peephole first.

_Don't think, don't hesitate, get it over with._ Garret pulled the door open, then froze.

Sarah stood in the bitter January evening, shivering.

"Can I come in?" She asked softly, sounding so much like a lost child he wanted to take her in his arms. Instead, suddenly tongue-tied, Garret nodded, gently took her arm, and guided her into the apartment, stopping to put a light on first.

Mutely she let him lead her to the sofa, then he released her arm and sat down opposite his wife.

"You came back." He managed, all the fear rushing into his brain again.

"I couldn't go anywhere else." Sarah found herself forcing the words out, the ache in her heart almost choking her.

"Sarah…." Garret said her name, fumbling with what he should, no what he needed to say.

"Don't …just, don't, Garret." Sarah put up a trembling hand. "We need to..no…I need to have some time."

"All right, Sarah." He felt his heart drop to his feet. "I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No, no, I can…" She began to protest.

Now it was Garret's turn to put up resistance. "No, Sarah. You need to rest more than I do. You…and the baby."

Sarah met his eyes at that….and her heart started to melt just a tiny bit.

"Thank you, Garret. I am a little…tired."

"You go ahead and take the bathroom first, Sarah. I'll get my stuff." Garret creaked his way off the sofa and ambled toward their room.

**Garret**

Once inside, he leaned against the closed door, tears streaming down his face. She'd come back, but for what? How hard was it going to be to make things right again? How long would it take them to repair the damage they'd done to each other?

Garret wasn't really clear on what they'd said in the conference room. He could remember his anger and the fear clawing at his gut and making thought difficult. He clearly remembered the feel of Sarah's hand slapping his face, although he wasn't certain exactly what he'd said that had pushed his even tempered love to that point. He wasn't really thinking by the time the slap had occurred. The only thing in his mind had been fear. Fear that she would die and he'd have to face the rest of his life without her.

**Sarah**

As Garret wiped his face and gathered his things, Sarah stood at the bathroom sink, silently weeping. Weeping over the wreckage of their relationship, over her stupidity in not being honest with her best friend, her husband, the man who had walked through the fire with her.

And weeping also over the remembered words spoken in anger with which he had unknowingly ripped open her hard won security. She knew more than most the terrible gaping wounds that words could leave in the mind and soul. Sarah had been certain that she had left that all behind with the end of her first marriage. Believed that Garret could never be a cruel dictator, using words and blows to control and coerce. Until today, when his anger had been written in every line of his frame, the clench of his fist and the cold harsh words that threatened her physical safety.

Her rational mind knew that he would never have followed through on his words, but her body had recoiled in fear and then struck out in panic to preempt any possible physical assault.

With that brief exchange of words and the strike of her hand, the fabric of her safe world had been shredded and she'd felt an icy certainty that her marriage was irreparably damaged.

Eventually, they'd perhaps find a way to regain the intimacy they'd known, but Sarah's trust and belief in her husband was shattered and the fault lay strictly with herself. She'd pushed him to a place he never would have gone to on his own.

Her desire for the child she carried had very likely cost her the trust of it's father. Garret wouldn't leave her, but she was afraid that from now on there would always be a certain speculation before he would believe her or she him, a weighing of knowledge against trust. She was afraid that her hesitation would eventually doom them to a marriage that was less than it could have been.

**Garret**

Trying to fit himself into the uncomfortable and short couch, Garret suddenly remembered what he'd said just before Sarah had slapped him. How could he have been so stupid. He'd threatened a woman who'd survived an abusive relationship, with bodily harm. No wonder she'd struck out at him, he was just glad she hadn't given him the same right hook she'd given Harrison. Although he would have deserved it.

He had to find someway of repairing the damage his wounded pride and anger had caused, a way to convince Sarah to forgive him. He considered the shambles of his marriage and hoped they could fix the mess he'd made. He should have listened to Sarah, given her a chance to explain. He'd let his past relationships color how he viewed this situation.

Garret gave up on sleep and moved over to his desk, turning on the light he poured a scotch and sat staring into the distance until the sun rose.

**Sarah**

Later as she tossed and turned, Sarah found herself determined to fix the damage she'd caused. Somehow she had to make Garret understand that she'd not been lying to hurt him. She'd never intended to lie, she just couldn't seem to find the words to tell him of the hazard she faced without having him try to persuade her to terminate the pregnancy. There had to be someway she could win back everything her hesitation had cost her.

She rose from the bed and started toward Garret's study, as she reached his door she froze, unable to take the last few steps to her husband. She was so afraid of seeing that cold look his eyes had held in the conference room. Hearing him moving around in the room, she scurried back to the bedroom and lay awake until the alarm went off.

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A/N- Come on you know what to do. Make us smile 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- Well the check bounced, so I had to give them back, but I'm still working on it.

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For the next week Garret and Sarah came to work each morning looking more haggard than the day before. Neither one showed any outward anger nor displayed any emotion at all. To their friends it seemed as if they were ice sculptures, cold, remote, barely recognizing each other's presence. 

Lily tried to talk to both of them and was calmly rebuffed although she saw the haunted look in each of their eyes when they said the other's name. Finally she decided that enough was enough and placed a call to Dr. Stiles, who agreed to come by the next day.

**Next Day**

Howard Stiles exited the elevator and stood for a moment trying to decide which of his two sometime patients to see first. Choosing the least volatile, he headed for Sarah's office. Pausing to collect his thoughts before knocking he noticed the air of tension in the usually relaxed work place. People scurried back and forth intent on the job at hand. The absence of chattering and laughter was quite noticeable. Even the normally ebullient Nigel, had a decided slump to his shoulders as he came down the hallway. Howard sighed inwardly as he knocked on the office door.

"Come in." Sarah raised her head expectantly, then looked resigned when she saw him standing there."I wondered how long it would take you to smell the blood in the water, Howard."

"I think I'm insulted that you would compare me to a shark, Sarah." He perched on the edge of the chair at the front of her desk. "I haven't a bloodthirsty bone in my body. I'm a lover, my dear, not a lawyer." This witticism earned him only a ghost of a smile from the sweet faced ME.

"So someone ratted Garret and I out, I take it?" Sarah tried to joke.

"Your friends are very worried about the two of you. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Oh Howard, it's horrible. We move around each other like we don't exist. We haven't spoken in days." Sarah's voice had become forlorn and held no trace of its usual warmth.

She dropped her head to look at her desk. "I can't do this, Howard, not now. Maybe later, but if I try to talk about it here, I'll break down and he'll come in to see what's wrong and that will only make it worse." Sarah looked at him with her heart in her eyes. "I'll come to your office this afternoon, okay?"

"Come to my townhouse at seven p.m.." He offered. "I'm booked solid this afternoon." At her nod he continued. "I'll see you then."

Howard left Sarah's office and crossed the hall to speak to his other stubborn charge. Garret's door stood open and Howard tapped on the door frame. Garret looked up and seemed not at all surprised to see the psychiatrist standing at his door.

"Come in Howard. I don't think it's time for mandatory evaluations for at least three months." Garret tried to fake confusion at Howard's appearance in the morgue.

"We both know the reason for my visit, Garret." He was no longer in the mood for tap dancing around the elephant in the middle of the floor.

"The rules state that evaluations are required every six months. They say nothing about submitting to counseling for non work related issues." Garret said succinctly.

"True, but counseling is required when work performance is affected." Stiles pointed out.

"My work performance has not been affected, Howard. I am here every day, my paper work is up to date and the morgue's identification rate is 100 percent."

"But are you happy?" He held up a hand when Garret began to respond. "More to the point are your people happy?"

Garret's shoulders slumped. "When do you want to do this?" He asked.

"Tonight at seven-thirty, my townhouse." Howard answered and rose to leave. "You do realize that you set the tone for this place, don't you? Have you looked at your people lately, Garret? They aren't a happy crew and that is, ironically, a highly unusual state of affairs for this place."

He walked to the door then turned. "Don't be late, Garret. I have a date at nine. She's crazy about me. I may even get lucky." At that Garret had to smile, albeit thinly.

"I'll be there early, Howard, far be it from me to wreck the track record of a stud like you." Garret managed to tease.

As he walked down the hall, Howard gave a surreptitious thumbs up to Lily, who nodded and went to pass the word along. Their plan to force Garret and Sarah to interact outside of work was off and running.

**Stiles Townhouse**

Sarah knocked and waited for Howard to answer, the cold wind blowing off the bay held a promise of snow. As with anything lately, the thought of snow made her want to cry. The first snow of the winter had found she and Garret curled up together in front of a fire watching the flakes drifting down to rest on their balcony. The memory of that evening reminded her that the temperature outside was significantly warmer than the atmosphere of their apartment now.

The door opened on a smiling Howard. "Welcome Sarah, come in and let me offer you some tea to warm you up."

"Thanks Howard, a nice, hot cup of tea would be wonderful." He took her coat and placed it in the closet and motioned for her to follow him.

Sarah was pleasantly surprised at the warm homey atmosphere of Howard's bachelor 'pad'. Looking over the knickknacks on the mantle, she was impressed at his taste.

"Here you go. Darjeeling, piping hot." Stiles said carrying in a tea tray.

"Howard, are these alabaster boxes?" Sarah indicated the collection on the mantle.

"Yes, I found them in a market in Marakesh, years ago. Would you believe I bought all twelve for ten dollars American?" He grinned.

"You are definitely a robber baron." Sarah tried to tease. Suddenly her eyes were filled with tears. "Oh Howard, what am I going to do?"

Stiles sat down the tray and guided Sarah to the couch. Sitting down beside her he slid an arm around her and waited for the emotional storm to quiet. There was no point in trying to help her work through this without Garret present.

As Sarah's tears slowed there was a knock at the door. Howard handed her some more tissue and went to answer.

Garret stood on the door step waiting for Howard and hoping that the diminutive psychiatrist could help him find a way out of the mess he was making of his life.

Sarah had told him she had an appointment that evening and would grab dinner out. Not that either of them had been eating much when they sat down together. Before this whole disaster started they would go home and cook dinner together, laughing and talking through the preparations and the meal. Afterward they would clear the table and then put on some old jazz and dance as they had that first night in Sarah's apartment.

Remembering the easy way Sarah moved in his arms brought the prick of tears to Garret's eyelids. Since the fight he'd been afraid to touch her, afraid to see the wild fear her eyes had held just before she'd slapped him.

"Ah Garret, early as promised. Good then we can get started, right into the living room while I hang up your coat." Stiles said taking the garment from him and following on Garret's heels.

When he entered the living room, Garret froze. "Sarah?"

"Garret!" Sarah leapt to her feet.

"Well now that the introductions are out of the way, shall we proceed." Howard said with a wicked twinkle in his eye.

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Howard." Sarah said picking up her purse.

"You stay. I'll leave." Garrets told her.

"Are you implying that I am in greater need of psychological counseling than you?" Sarah began angrily.

"No. I.." Garret stammered. "Oh hell, just forget it." He spun on his heels and started toward the door.

"HOLD IT" The normally quiet calm voiced Stiles' shout froze them both in their tracks. "Sit down now." Howard said in a testy voice.

"You two are possibly the most hardheaded, thick-skulled pair I have ever seen. You are both going to sit down and work this out or I will recommend that you both be suspended indefinitely."

"Howard, you can't.."

"Stiles, this is..." Sarah and Garret both began.

"SIT NOW." Howard ordered and the two complied.

"Now you two have danced around each other for a week, making yourselves and your coworkers miserable. We are going to get to the bottom of this tonight."

Stiles poured a cup of tea and settled back in his chair. "You've tried talk talking at each other and around each other to no avail, why not try talking _to _each other."

Garret and Sarah each sat, lost in thought for a long moment.

Stiles sighed inwardly. "Very well, let me set some ground rules then. First only one of you may speak at a time. No statement can begin with you or he or she, no talking about the other person. You may only talk about you, your feelings, thoughts and motivations. You are each allowed no more than three minutes before surrendering the floor to the other person. And you must spend the other person's time listening, not planning what you want to say. Sarah, why don't we start with you."

"I.. I don't know where to begin." Sarah stammered.

"Begin with the argument, what was it about, what did you say, how did you feel about what you said. Remember, this is all about you. Garret can tell his story in a few minutes." Stiles settled back to listen.

"I caused all of it, it's all my fault. I didn't tell Garret everything up front and when he found out, I didn't allow him time to be angry or the space to explore it." Sarah turned to Garret. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lied to you and you were right I was selfish, thoughtless and childish. I should have told you everything before I found out I was pregnant, but, oh Garret I was so afraid you wouldn't, that you'd.."

Sarah took a deep breath. "I didn't tell you before I was pregnant because I didn't want you to worry about me being depressed that I couldn't have a baby. I really thought I couldn't get pregnant again. The last time was ten years ago, I didn't think it could happen again and then when I found out..., I tried to tell you when I told you I thought I was pregnant. We kept getting interrupted and then I was afraid you'd try to convince me to abort. Garret, I just couldn't do that. I need to have this baby."

Garret listened intently and when Sarah was finished, he sat a moment longer before he began. "Sarah, this is just as much my fault as yours. The last week and the way the argument escalated was my fault. I pushed you into a corner, I was rude and arrogant, and yeah, I was a sanctimonious bastard. But Sarah, I'm scared too. I'm afraid that I'll lose you, that you're taking a risk that could cost you your life. I can't stand the thought of being without you, but I should have listened and given you time to explain why you hadn't told me. I panicked and I took it out on you."

"Well I'd say that was an excellent start. I want you each to think about what you've heard while I get some fresh tea, Garret would you care for a scotch?" Howard stood as Garret nodded, leaving the two sitting in the living room, he disappeared into the kitchen. When he returned with a fresh pot of tea he looked at Sarah.

"I believe it's your turn again, Sarah." Howard said sitting in his chair. "What were you feeling when you slapped Garret?"

"Afraid." She answered.

"Of what?" Stiles prompted.

"Garret had just said he could cheerfully slap me. It frightened me, all I could think was I wasn't going to allow another man to hit me." Sarah turned to Garret. "I know you wouldn't but, my hand just flew out before I had time to think."

Garret closed his eyes at the sudden flash of pain he felt. He'd never meant to threaten Sarah or to scare her. "I was very angry and hurt, I lashed out at you. I never meant it, Sarah."

Sarah reached and began to pour a cup of tea as she spoke. "I know that, Garret. Intellectually, I knew it then, I just... " She began, failing to notice the cup in her hand was almost full. "I think..OW."

The scalding tea sloshed out onto her hand and Garret was beside her in an instant.

"Sarah, let me see.' He took her hand gently and checked the slightly reddened fingers. "I don't think it's too bad, sweetheart." He said softly looking up at the tears gathering in her eyelashes.

He braced himself for the fear he was sure would flash in her eyes at any moment, but to his amazement he saw love and a sad yearning.

The sight of the tender concern in Garret's eyes melted away any trace of anger Sarah had felt. He still loved her, she hadn't destroyed that with her secretiveness.

Stiles watched as the two leaned closer to each other. _Any second now...,_ he thought just before Garret wrapped his arms around Sarah and they spoke almost in unison.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."

"Honey, please forgive me."

Sarah buried her face in her husband's shoulder as he stroked her hair. "I love you, Sarah. You're my life."

She raised her eyes to his, tear trails still on her cheeks. "I'm lost without you, Garret. I love you so much."

"Now doesn't that feel better." Howard interjected. "But you still need to talk about what happened between you two and work out some rules for arguing in the future, so that it doesn't happen again." He had an almost smug satisfaction on his face. "Now do we need to continue or do you think you two can handle this on your own?"

"I think we can take it from here, Howard." Garret said standing and reaching to take Sarah's arm.

Sarah accepted his help then stepped over to Stiles chair and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "You are a duplicitous little man." She smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Ready to go home, Sarah," Garret asked as Howard went to get their coats.

"Definitely, but first I want a steak and shrimp and a hot fudge sundae." Sarah smiled for the first time in days.

"Isn't it a little early for cravings?" Garret asked.

"Who said anything about cravings, I have hardly eaten all week, I'm starving," Sarah eyes twinkled mischievously. "And besides I intend to burn off all the calories later." She gave Garret a sexy wink.

**Two Days Later**

Stiles arrived at his office feeling a little nervous. While he had faith that Garret and Sarah would resolve their differences, he wondered how long it would take for the morgue staff to heal fully from the week's tribulations.

As he opened the door, he caught sight of two wrapped packages sitting on his desk.

"Hmmmm, I wonder?" Stiles grinned.

An hour later anyone wandering by the psychiatrist's office would have been surprised by the sight of the placid little man, sipping a glass of wine and indulging in a decadent piece of fudge.

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A/N- Well there's story number three in the Southern Exposure series. We'll be back soon with Lily and Bug's story (and more on the babies, both Sarah's and Jordan's). Now please review. 


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